Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
