And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
