Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
