A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
