Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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