His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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