And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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