I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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