Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
