My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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