Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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