Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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