Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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