you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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