I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
