Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
