Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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