I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
