Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
