Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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