it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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