I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
