it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
