When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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