can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
