just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
