I just pynch a tree in the face
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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