kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
