just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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