Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
