Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
