4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
