If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
