I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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