dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my shit smells like andre
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
