i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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