:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
