If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
