you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
