My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
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that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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