I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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