just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
