Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
