I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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