I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
