Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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