I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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