Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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