all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
