He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
