So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
