guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
