I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
