just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
