Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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