I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
